I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
