god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
