One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
