She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
