dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
