everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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