If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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