Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
