I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
