Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
