he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
