In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
