you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
