I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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