Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
