Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
