There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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