tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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