look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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