so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
