talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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