hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
