there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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