I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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