I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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