She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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