I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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