You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
