I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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