Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize