Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
