I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
