My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
