I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
