im six kinds of drunk right now
is wine microwaveable?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Houston, we have a blender
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
