# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
please come you make the beer taste better
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
