Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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