ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
