Me. At least after what I've been through.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize