ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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