I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
