he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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