I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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