Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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