just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
