I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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