guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So many bounce houses so little time
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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