I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
