I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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