I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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