I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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