i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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