It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
