I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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