Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
