i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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