Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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