lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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