I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
