I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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