hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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