I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
