Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
