Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just tell him i said nine months
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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