Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
