Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
