Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
