HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
