I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
