drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
