Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
