i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
