When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
