I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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